Okay,
now Im scared. Everything
I once took for granted is in doubt. How could
a bunch of scary-looking terrorists with Arabic
names hijack four airliners within the space
of an hour? How could they succeed in using
them to demolish the World Trade Center and
the Pentagon? And, if we couldnt stop
that, how are we expected to believe that a
dopey system like Star Wars is ever going to
work? Or any of the counter-terrorism measures
being bandied about?
Take "airport
security"a phrase now destined to
join "military intelligence" in the
American Dictionary of Oxymorons. Is there anything
you cant smuggle past airport security?
Weve seen investigative teams from 60
Minutes and the BBCpeople with hunting
knives, guns, sticks of dynamite, mock bombs
and even machine guns (strapped to their backs)blithely
sail through the make-believe portal. Lets
see how huge a weapon we can sneak through: a
grenade-launcher? A Stinger missile?
Deputy
Secretary of State Richard Armitage, a Daddy
Warbucks look-alike if ever there was one, recently
dismissed the imperfections of the current x-raying
of baggage by saying, "Its effect
was more psychological than anything else." A
sort of charade, in other words, that gives passengers
a feeling of eternal vigilance, the checkpoint
personnel merely actors in a symbolic drama.
These are not the semi-skilled technicians I
once took them forjust poor slobs earning
minimum wage, working long hours at a tedious
job, using technology originally designed for
shoe stores to determine the right fit for a
wingtip.
We
tend to think of airline personnel as coming
from a more qualified employment pool than that
of fast-food workers. But at wages of $4.95-an-hour,
how could they be? Some of them, it turns out,
arent even American citizens. You mean
some Algerian or Somali fanatic on a student
visa could get a job at an airport checkpoint?
Or a job as a baggage handler? Or food service "technician"?
And why limit our fear to foreigners? There are
plenty of scary Americans to go around, and lots
of them are working in our airports (few of which,
by the way, do any criminal-background checks).
But
forget about these small-fry worries. Lets
talk about the big dogs, the FAA and the CIAtwo
organizations whose charter surely includes watching
out for our safety. So how come they didnt
notice when Osama bin Laden told us what he was
going to do? He actually said he was going
to use commercial airliners to destroy U.S. landmarks.
Now, admittedly he didnt tell us which
landmarks, but you wouldve thought that
the FAAat the very leastwould have
alerted air traffic controllers to monitor any
plane veering radically from its flight plan.
An official from the CIA yesterday blithely defended
our lack of vigilance, telling CNN that terrorists "often
make extreme threats in order to induce panic
in the population." Well, they sure succeeded
at that.
Remember
the moment in Beetlejuice when Alec Baldwin
and Geena Davis stand on their doorstep, peering
out at a churning, nightmare world filled with
primeval monsters? Thats how I felt last
week, discovering (a bit late, perhaps) that
the vigilance and expertise of our protectors
is an illusion and that only a thin scrim separates
us from the yawning terror. What if the people
who constructed our cocoons are not really in
control? What if they, you know, have absolutely
no idea what theyre doing?
Flying
(always a mildly terrifying idea if dwelt on
too long) has long been an almost monotonous
experience. Even the airport conspires to lull
you into a kind of daze, as if some mild narcotic
had been sprayed into the air. Standing on those
endless slow-moving lines for the check-in counter,
the repeated questions, the security checkpoint
itself such a formality that I often expect to
be asked, "Paper or plastic?" when
I pick up my bags.
Once
on the plane, only those with flying phobias
ever say to themselves, "I am traveling
at 600 miles an hour, 20,000 feet above the earth,
in a metal tube carrying 50 tons of gasoline." The
most common reaction to air travel is tedium.
The narcotic effect of the hum of the engines,
the rows of passengers reading and talking, the
beige and avocado décor (the design equivalent
of Prozac), the periodic arrival of snacks and
dinners, the in-flight moviethe predictability
and familiarity of it all soothes you into a
kind of suspended animation. Every twenty minutes
you resignedly look at your watch, adjust it
for the next time zone and calculate how many
more hours of monotony youll have to endure.
The airline magazines very subject matter
tells us that everything is normal; everything
is okay.
Wondering
how much all of this had changed in the last
couple of weeks, I thought Id call my friend
Howard. What effect were the stringent new regulations
having on air travel? Were they causing massive
delays?
"Youd
think so," said Howard, "but in many
ways its been business as usual. Yesterday
I was flying from Oakland to Burbank. I had a
noon flight, so anticipating endless lines I
got myself to the airport a couple of hours earlier
than usual. This guy with Southwest Airlines
on his cap comes out with one of those big carts.
He takes my bags and leads me in, taking me right
to the front of the line. The guy at the desk
looks at my luggage. Golf clubs? he
asks, looking at my golf bag. He proceeds to
check my clubs through without even opening
the bag. This has all taken less than ten
minutes. I then go through the checkpoint. I
have a portable juicer in my carry-on bag and
put the bag through. Oh, this looks like
a juicer, they say. Zip. Its now
only 10:15. I see theres a 10:40 flight
so I go up to the counter and ask if I can get
on it.
"What
are you going to do about the bags you checked
in? the guy asks. I tell him Ill
pick up my rental car, do a few errands, then
swing back to the Burbank airport and pick em
up when they arrive. And, heaven help him, this
poor deluded man agrees. So my
bags, unopened, including a set of golf clubs,
go unaccompanied on the 12 oclock
flight." By the way, my friend just paid
with cash.
Submitted
for your approval: one more hair-raising story.
My friend Xs dad is a cop. When he goesout
of uniformto pick her up at the airport,
he doesnt feel like going through the hassle
of surrendering his gun so he just opens one
of those doors that say "Airport Personnel
Only" and walks down the hallway that by-passes
the checkpoint.
Terrorists,
you see, count on the Peter Principle. They rely
on the fact that many of the people meant to
protect us are not going to do their jobs.
And it rarely fails. "Limitless are the
civil servants who are indolent, insolent, and
robotic," is the mantra of the Peter Principle,
which states that: "In a hierarchy every
employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence" because "in
time every post tends to be occupied by an employee
who is incompetent to carry out its duties." Why?
Because if youre really good at something,
you get promoted. If youre really bad at
it, you get fired. And if youre just so-so,
well folks, there you stay.
Lets
take the case of the affable fellow who guides
people to the next available elevator in the
lobby of a skyscraper. When the guy at the information
desk leaves for another job, the Affable Guy
takes his place. Its not that much of a
stretch, and he does a good job at it. So when
the lobby manager retires, Affable Guy gets promoted
to his job. This is still something within his
capability, and he handles it so well that eventually
he becomes supervisor of the building, a job
he has absolutely no qualifications for (and
no ability to handle). He has now reached his
level of incompetence, a level from which he
will probably never be promoted.
In
the day-to-day world, we just put this down to
bureaucratic stupidity, but in times of crisis
this is the stuff of nightmare scenarios. A 767
has just crashed into Twin Tower Two, and the
building manager of the adjacent Tower One announces
over the P.A. that its safe for people
to go back to their desks. When you hear accounts
like this, all trust that "they must know
what theyre doing" leaves you. Remember "they
must know what theyre doing"? Its
what the passenger next to you said the last
time your favorite airline took off in a snowstorm
without de-icing the wings.
Eight
years, and millions of dollars and experts later,
they simply had no plan. Like, "if
one tower gets blown up, evacuate the other tower." Or
if, say, the Empire State Building gets
blown up, evacuate both towers. People
tell me, "They probably thought it was safer
to stay put than evacuate." Well, of course
they thought it was better! No one is suggesting
the people in charge were evil. Just wrong, terribly
wrong.
So
what is the solution? Some say beefed-up security
is the answer. More scrutiny, more inspectors.
Oh, really? But arent these the same
people who let the tragedy happen in the
first place? Low-paid workers, career civil servants,
somnambulistic bureaucrats. So mindlessly, so
rotely do most people in big corporations do
their jobs and so poorly compensated are they
for their work that they consciously or unconsciously
subvert the corporation theyre working for.
But
thats not all were gonna do, say
the powers that be. Were gonna get real
hi-tech with these sumbitches. More gadgets,
for one thing. Were going to install $150,000
machines that will blow air on you as you pass
through them, collecting particles that are then
examined to see if they contain the chemicals
used in explosives. In the future, who knows,
machines that calibrate anxiety, guilt, patriotism,
criminal intent? And, uh, just remind me again,
whos gonna run these gadgets?
Well
have U.S. marshals riding shotgun on every commercial
flight, they assure us. Yeah, that should do
it. One Steven Seagal for every flight. But where
exactly are you going to find 30,000 highly trained
U.S. marshals to man every domestic flight that
takes off daily? These guys, former night watchmen
and mall police, are suddenly going to be capable
of overcoming fanatic terrorists, disarming them
and seeing that every commercial airline lands
safely with the handcuffed suspects in custody?
This plan might make things even more dangerouswhat
if the hijacker takes their guns?
Were
trying to build our own version of the Great
Wall of China, a wall of gadgets, devices, procedures.
But how are we going to keep "them" out,
and how will we be able to distinguish them from
us? History isnt too encouraging in the
matter of wallsstone, electronic or otherwise.
The larger the country youre trying to
close off, the less likely your chances of succeeding.
Especially if, like second century Rome or Chin
Dynasty China, youre the only empire
going, which also happens to be our dilemma.
Then everybody hates you, but at the same time
everybody wants in. The Mongolians wanted
into China so badly that they ended up invading
and ruling it for most of Chinas history.
Such
absolute measures never succeed and are generally
the brainchild of totalitarian regimes. The Great
Wall itself was the project of Chinas first
Emperor, Shih Huang Ti, historys first
famous paranoiac megalomaniac. Borges famous
meditation, "The Wall and the Books," sees
Shih Huang Tis gargantuan fortification
project as inseparable from his burning of every
book that preceded his reign so that history
might begin with him. Borges concludes by saying, "Walling
in an orchard or a garden is ordinary, but not
walling in an empire."
In
Kafkas story "The Great Wall of China," the
piecemeal, gap-filled and seemingly pointless
construction of the wall is initially compared
to that other futile mega-project, the Tower
of Babel, but its fundamental purpose is eventually
seen to be that of giving a sense of unity to
the diverse peoples of China. But unlike China,
we are not a monoculture. In a sense, we have
no way of differentiating ourselves from the
rest of the world. We are the world, a
melting pot, and as such should not behave like
vengeful bullies out to eradicate an enemy far
more elusive than any Viet Cong ever was.