{"id":1981,"date":"2011-10-31T11:40:35","date_gmt":"2011-10-31T15:40:35","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.gadflyonline.com\/wpblog\/?p=1981"},"modified":"2012-07-15T20:12:00","modified_gmt":"2012-07-16T00:12:00","slug":"every-available-space-by-nat-whilk","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/gadflyonline.com\/home\/index.php\/every-available-space-by-nat-whilk\/","title":{"rendered":"Every Available Space by Nat Whilk"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

A doctor in a white coat enters a crowded press conference as lights flash and cameras click.\u00a0 Television cameras are sprinkled around the room and poised like visual vipers ready to strike.<\/p>\n

Doctor<\/span>:\u00a0 Questions gentlemen?<\/p>\n

Reporter<\/span> (standing with notebook in hand): \u00a0Doctor, can you tell us more about the president’s condition.<\/p>\n

Doctor<\/span>:\u00a0 Yes, ah, he seems\u2026I mean\u2026he’s only been here for a little over an hour.\u00a0 And I say seems because we haven’t had time as of yet to diagnose him properly.\u00a0 He seems to be\u2026ah\u2026slowly dying\u2026ah\u2026choking to death.<\/p>\n

Reporter<\/span>:\u00a0 Is he responsive at all?<\/p>\n

Doctor<\/span>:\u00a0 Not really.\u00a0 Ahhh\u2026he was able to speak some when he was brought into the emergency room.\u00a0 After the press conference where he collapsed, he said he remembered next to nothing.<\/p>\n

Reporter<\/span>:\u00a0 Well, what’s actually causing the symptoms?<\/p>\n

Doctor<\/span>:\u00a0 Like I said, we can’t properly assess his condition as of now.\u00a0 We need a bit more time.\u00a0 All we can really pinpoint at this time is that the growth of the hair started somewhere in the bronchial tubes and has spread throughout the entire digestive system.\u00a0 The hair is similar to that found around the reproductive organs.<\/p>\n

Another reporter<\/span> (standing):\u00a0 What measures have you taken so far?\u00a0 After all, he is the President of the United States.<\/p>\n

Doctor<\/span>:\u00a0 By a laser process we have cut the hair several times.\u00a0 We have cut it out, but it grows back very rapidly.\u00a0 Almost immediately.\u00a0 At this time, it seems that it is impossible to stop the growth. \u00a0Ahhh\u2026any further measures we could take at this time could be very harmful.\u00a0 We have administered drugs to reduce the metabolic rate but so far that has been futile.\u00a0 The hair continues to grow.<\/p>\n

An assistant steps into the room and whispers into the doctor’s ear.<\/p>\n

Doctor<\/span>:\u00a0 Gentlemen, I’m sorry to say, the president is dead.\u00a0 He has died from suffocation.\u00a0 The hair eventually filled every available space within his body.<\/p>\n

Gasps from the audience.\u00a0 The doctor turns and exits.\u00a0 Lights flash and cameras click.\u00a0 The reporters sit motionless as murmuring fills the room.<\/p>\n

\u00a92011 Glass Onion Productions<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A doctor in a white coat enters a crowded press conference as lights flash and cameras click.\u00a0 Television cameras are sprinkled around the room and poised like visual vipers ready to strike. Doctor:\u00a0 Questions gentlemen? Reporter (standing with notebook in hand): \u00a0Doctor, can you tell us more about the president’s condition. Doctor:\u00a0 Yes, ah, he […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":17,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4,200,223,219],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/gadflyonline.com\/home\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1981"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/gadflyonline.com\/home\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/gadflyonline.com\/home\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/gadflyonline.com\/home\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/17"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/gadflyonline.com\/home\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1981"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"http:\/\/gadflyonline.com\/home\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1981\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3255,"href":"http:\/\/gadflyonline.com\/home\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1981\/revisions\/3255"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/gadflyonline.com\/home\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1981"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/gadflyonline.com\/home\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1981"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/gadflyonline.com\/home\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1981"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}