{"id":2310,"date":"2012-02-20T08:43:23","date_gmt":"2012-02-20T13:43:23","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.gadflyonline.com\/wpblog\/?p=2310"},"modified":"2012-07-15T20:11:06","modified_gmt":"2012-07-16T00:11:06","slug":"mortality-inc-by-a-s-patrick","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/gadflyonline.com\/home\/index.php\/mortality-inc-by-a-s-patrick\/","title":{"rendered":"Mortality, Inc. by A.S. Patrick"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 In the Et Life Spire, the largest building on the face of the planet, the receptionist stared at her newly painted nails, admiring the new color combination she had chosen. After 200 years of just yellow, she enjoyed the mix up. When one has the rest of eternity to look forward to, a little spontaneity breaks up the monotony, even if just for a little while.<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Her quiet, uneventful day was broken up when a man, with the looks of a supermodel and the clothing of a vagrant, barged in. \u201cOh great,\u201d she thought. \u201cAnother death seeker.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat do you mean I have to wait another 3 thousand years before I can even be reconsidered for euthanization?\u201d he screamed, in a frenzied rage. Were it not for her indestructibility, she would have been genuinely frightened by this display instead of just quietly amused. \u201cThis is the fifth time I have applied, how can they decline me again?\u201d<\/p>\n

The receptionist rolled her eyes, having heard similar complaints thousands of time since she had been employed the year before. Following the procedure, she gave him the standard greeting in a dry monotone. \u201cWelcome, sir, to the Et Life Spire, your one and only stop for life scheduling. How may I be of service to you today?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou can start by just killing me, that\u2019s how you can help!\u201d<\/p>\n

It was always the same response from these people, every single time. Not a week went by where she didn\u2019t hear at least five people beg for their lives to be ended. She wished that once, just once, one of these death seekers would surprise her. Perhaps one would be grateful for the extra time; that would be a welcome change of pace. Alas, she doubted that she would ever be so fortunate.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sorry, sir, but as you must know, the Panel has the final say on this matter, not me. You\u2019re going to have to wait for reconsideration, just like all the others.\u201d<\/p>\n

The man looked at her with a pitiful sense of desperation in his eyes. For a second, she almost felt sorry for this one. \u201cPlease,\u201d he begged, \u201cI have lived for over a hundred thousand years, and I just can\u2019t go on anymore. I\u2019m tired, and I just want to end it all. That\u2019s all I\u2019m asking for.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIf the Panel wants you alive, then you will remain alive. No ifs, ands, or buts. In the mean time, why don\u2019t you try something new? How about gender reassignment? Or you could always join one of those new cults.\u201d She paused, trying to recall the name of the group her friend had joined just seven decades before, when it suddenly came to her. \u201cThe Mortalists, especially, are supposed to be a fun and exciting bunch. My friend joined recently, and she just loves it. Once she starts talking about them, she can\u2019t stop.\u201d<\/p>\n

The death seeker\u2019s look of desperation and hopelessness only worsened. \u201cI have done all those things, and more, thousands of times already. I\u2019ve done everything there is to do; there is nothing left for me to try.\u201d<\/p>\n

The woman responded in a chipper tone, sensing, to her relief, that her time with this man was almost done. \u201cWell, sir, I don\u2019t know what else I can say. You\u2019re going to have to wait your turn to die. But hey, try to look on the bright side. I\u2019m sure you\u2019ll find something to pass the time with. Better luck next time!\u201d<\/p>\n

The man, overcome with despair, lethargically turned to the exit and shuffled out the door, muttering, \u201cI\u2019ve tried, and I\u2019ve tried, but every single time\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

As he left, the receptionist remembered to give the standard farewell. \u201cThank you for choosing Et Life, your only, best choice. We hope to see you again soon.\u201d However, by the time she had uttered these words, the sliding doors had already closed behind the death seeker. \u201cEh, whatever, I tried,\u201d she thought.<\/p>\n

She could never understand these people and their desire for death\u2019s cold embrace. They had the gift of immortality and eternal youth bestowed upon them for free, a gift unlike any other, yet they were still so ungrateful. Instead of being thankful, Et Life received more and more requests for euthanization every single day.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe nerve of some people,\u201d she said aloud as she returned to admiring her freshly painted fingernails.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 In the Et Life Spire, the largest building on the face of the planet, the receptionist stared at her newly painted nails, admiring the new color combination she had chosen. After 200 years of just yellow, she enjoyed the mix up. When one has the rest of eternity to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4,200,219],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/gadflyonline.com\/home\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2310"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/gadflyonline.com\/home\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/gadflyonline.com\/home\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/gadflyonline.com\/home\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/gadflyonline.com\/home\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2310"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"http:\/\/gadflyonline.com\/home\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2310\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3206,"href":"http:\/\/gadflyonline.com\/home\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2310\/revisions\/3206"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/gadflyonline.com\/home\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2310"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/gadflyonline.com\/home\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2310"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/gadflyonline.com\/home\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2310"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}