{"id":3808,"date":"2012-08-15T11:00:15","date_gmt":"2012-08-15T15:00:15","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.gadflyonline.com\/wpblog\/?p=3808"},"modified":"2012-09-20T11:58:50","modified_gmt":"2012-09-20T15:58:50","slug":"you-complete-idiot-my-gwar-experience","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/gadflyonline.com\/home\/index.php\/you-complete-idiot-my-gwar-experience\/","title":{"rendered":"YOU COMPLETE IDIOT: My Gwar Experience"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n

Based on their show at The National in Richmond, VA on March 16, 2012, and an email interview, which arrived in my inbox on August 7, 2012<\/em><\/p>\n

<\/em>The hook of my glasses just barely caught between my middle and ring fingers as I fell sideways into a mass of sweaty flesh that gave and fell with me for a second before it caught itself and slung me back the other way. My body bounced off a fat guy and I regained some semblance of balance in an unsteady, yet mostly upright position. I started to put my glasses back on just before some meaty shoulder hit me square in the back and I toppled forward into a stream of fake blood that was being fired off stage out of a gigantic water pistol by a goblin wearing assless chaps.<\/p>\n

\u2026<\/p>\n

\u201cA Gwar concert is the antithesis of a U2 concert,\u201d so said my friend and driver for the night, Jimmy, as we listened to mid-aughts indie rock cd\u2019s on our way from Charlottesville to Richmond. We had the volume turned down so that we could talk easily with our friend in the back seat about the imminent basketball tournament, new music and the misbehavior of University of Virginia students in the nineteenth\u00a0century (Erik, in the second row, had written his undergrad thesis on the University of Virginia\u2019s early history) as his dad\u2019s red Acura SUV ate up I-64 eastbound.<\/p>\n

We parked a few blocks away from the site of the \u201cUpcoming Slaughter,\u201d as their website refers to future shows, and changed into undershirts and pants we didn\u2019t care about. At that point, I discovered that I had not packed contacts as I had meant to, and, consequently, I would attend my first metal concert in nerdy, black plastic rectangle glasses. Jimmy said, \u201cOh, well, I think you should probably be fine.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u2026<\/p>\n

Gwar is \u201cEarth\u2019s only openly extra-terrestrial rock band, and the destined destroyers of not only the human race but also reality itself,\u201d again according to their website<\/a> (which encourages you not to \u201cshare\u201d their page, but to \u201cSocialize, you human filth!\u201d). More typically though, they\u2019re considered a satirical metal band comprised of four fictional characters, and their history bears talking about if for no other reason than to repeat the wonderfully adolescent names they have for everything. Gwar came into existence as Gwaaarrrgghhlllgh in 1984 as a comical spinoff of the Richmond hardcore band, Death Piggy. After four years of refinement and name-shortening, their first album, Hell-O,<\/em> appeared in 1988, and their virus-like spread across North America began.<\/p>\n

Like any persistent pathogen, Gwar owe their longevity to their capacity to ceaselessly mutate and adapt to a wide variety of hosts. At least twenty-five real humans have played the parts of the fictional band members, though the guitarist, drummer and front man Oderus have been played by the same people since 1990 (with Dave Brockie playing Oderus since the band\u2019s founding). Despite this, the intergalactic group was able to maintain enough stability to thrive through the mid-nineties. They released five albums before 1998 and garnered themselves two Grammy nominations (\u201cPhallus in Wonderland\u201d was up for Best Long-Form Music Video in 1993, and \u201cSo Fucking What\u201d for Best Metal Performance in 1996) on top of national notoriety after being banned from the state of North Carolina and making appearances in costume on both The Jerry Springer Show<\/a> and The Joan Rivers Show<\/a>.<\/p>\n