{"id":8209,"date":"2014-10-27T09:00:53","date_gmt":"2014-10-27T13:00:53","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.gadflyonline.com\/home\/?p=8209"},"modified":"2014-10-30T09:35:32","modified_gmt":"2014-10-30T13:35:32","slug":"fragments-of-broken-youth","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/gadflyonline.com\/home\/index.php\/fragments-of-broken-youth\/","title":{"rendered":"Fragments of Broken Youth"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"fragments\"<\/a><\/p>\n

\u201cAll Gays should be shot.\u201d\u00a0 Silence fell around us.\u00a0 Did they hear me, hear what I just said?\u00a0 I didn\u2019t think so, so I said it again.\u00a0 This time, they heard me.<\/p>\n

It was 1996.\u00a0 We were hanging out at Carl\u2019s Diner in New Jersey.\u00a0 It was late, and I don\u2019t know how this conversation steered in that direction.\u00a0 I was lost in thought, and then someone said something that dragged me back to reality.\u00a0 My mind could not comprehend what was being said, so I said the first thing that came to mind.\u00a0 And I said it again.<\/p>\n

\u201cHow could you say such a thing?\u201d one girl hissed, and then I realized that the man sitting beside her was gay.<\/p>\n

How could I say such a thing?\u00a0 I don\u2019t know.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t even know that I had suffered a nervous breakdown until later.\u00a0 I was still reeling from that toxic relationship I had been in a year ago, and now I was here with the man beside me, a white knight with stripes.\u00a0 I say that because he was a good man, but one that got entangled in situations like hanging out at a drug house one night or watching his friends get drunk and stoned in the woods by Greenwood Lake; how could I say the other thing?\u00a0 It was because I didn\u2019t understand.\u00a0 My mind was not working, and that reality, that conversation, was my first encounter.\u00a0 So, needless to say, I reacted like most ignorant people and said what I did.<\/p>\n

I hate remembering the past.\u00a0 I hate looking back on my past self.\u00a0 I was so broken.\u00a0 The food shoveling should have been a clue that I was hurting bad, but my parents and I could not hold one decent conversation.\u00a0 I should have left the moment that I graduated high school, and then maybe, this conversation would never have happened.\u00a0 I\u2019m sure it would\u2019ve later, but my mind would be working again.\u00a0 And I would be reasonable and say something smart, maybe, but I never left home.\u00a0 And I know that today, I should have.<\/p>\n

Dane Cook said something interesting on the show Chelsea Lately.\u00a0 He said something like, \u201cMaybe, because we\u2019re fucked up, we became comedians.\u201d\u00a0 Well, maybe in my case, I became a writer.\u00a0 Since I was a child, I had these horrible experiences that I will never forget.\u00a0 They are my nightmares, my demons, and I live with them every single day.\u00a0 But I no longer run from them.\u00a0 I no longer run from my past.\u00a0 I find that writing about these experiences like that night at the diner puts these memories almost to rest, so hate me, if you might.\u00a0 Or maybe, you understand.\u00a0 In 1996, I was broken, destroyed, and it took a very long time to become the woman that I am today.\u00a0 And if such a conversation occurred today, I would have said, \u201cSo, what if you\u2019re Gay?\u00a0 The world has bigger issues to deal with.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n

Melissa R. Mendelson is a published short story author and self-published poet, who has been featured in The Outreach for Breast Health Foundation\u2019s Anthology: Beyond Memories; Names in a Jar: A Collection of Poetry by 100 Contemporary American Poets; Espresso Fiction: A Collection of Flash Fiction for the Average Joe; Bartleby Snopes Literary Magazine. \u00a0She also has written several fan fiction stories, which can be found at\u00a0<\/span>fanfiction.net<\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cAll Gays should be shot.\u201d Silence fell around us. Did they hear me, hear what I just said? I didn\u2019t think so, so I said it again. This time, they heard me.<\/p>\n

It was 1996. We were hanging out at Carl\u2019s Diner in New Jersey. It was late, and I don\u2019t know how this conversation steered in that direction. I was lost in thought, and then someone said something that dragged me back to reality. <\/p>\n

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