{"id":9373,"date":"2015-05-11T14:49:37","date_gmt":"2015-05-11T18:49:37","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.gadflyonline.com\/home\/?p=9373"},"modified":"2015-05-11T14:52:17","modified_gmt":"2015-05-11T18:52:17","slug":"mickeys-big-rumble-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/gadflyonline.com\/home\/index.php\/mickeys-big-rumble-2\/","title":{"rendered":"Mickey’s Big Rumble"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"MIckey_585x585\"<\/a><\/p>\n

A gangland adventure utilizing the title of every movie I went to between the years 1999 and 2001,<\/span> in roughly the order that I saw them.<\/p>\n

Mickey Blue Eyes<\/strong> and his gang, the Cockney Crooners, had already eliminated the Fight Club<\/strong>, The Crew<\/strong> and the Wings of Desire<\/strong>, three of the biggest mobs in Brooklyn.\u00a0 If they won their rumble with the Kings of Comedy<\/strong>, they\u2019d rule the borough.<\/p>\n

As Mickey was leaving his apartment to stock up on bandanas and brass knuckles, his girlfriend Lola came around the corner.\u00a0 A Cadillac pulled up beside her, and Mickey shouted, \u201cRun Lola Run<\/strong>!”<\/p>\n

It was too late. A couple Kings in jester caps jumped out and threw Lola in the trunk.<\/p>\n

“Just some insurance to make sure you show tomorrow,\u201d said The Messenger<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

Mickey felt like crying, but he held it in.\u00a0 His mother, an immigrant from Notting Hill<\/strong>, always told him, “Boys Don’t Cry<\/strong>, Mick.\u00a0 They get even.”<\/p>\n

If he wanted to save Lola, he\u2019d have to strike fast, like a Ghost Dog<\/strong>, and send the Kings on Felicia’s Journey<\/strong>.\u00a0 There were some Sweet and Lowdown<\/strong> characters in the Kings of Comedy (Mifune<\/strong>, Guinevere<\/strong>, and Titus<\/strong>, to name a few), but they had nothing on Mickey Blue Eyes.\u00a0 Once, Mickey stabbed a drunk in Mansfield Park<\/strong> just because the guy told him he looked like Hugh Grant gone terribly wrong.\u00a0 A few years later, a Girl Interrupted<\/strong> him during an episode of Dynasty<\/em>, and he bludgeoned her with the remote.\u00a0 Mickey would shoot the Man on the Moon<\/strong> if he grinned at him funny.<\/p>\n

It’s Cider House Rules<\/strong> when Mickey’s on the street.<\/span>\u00a0 or at<\/span> The Beach<\/strong>.\u00a0 Mess with him and you’ll be eating Angela’s Ashes<\/strong> faster than you can say, \u201cHoly Smoke<\/strong>.\u201d\u00a0 He\u2019ll make you scream in High Fidelity<\/strong> until your brain goes Topsy Turvy<\/strong>,\u00a0 and Keeping the Faith<\/strong> won’t help.\u00a0 One time Mickey took a priest up to the House on Haunted Hill<\/strong> and beat him Black and White<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

But Mickey has a soft side, too.\u00a0 He\u2019s a sucker for a Girl on a Bridge<\/strong>.\u00a0 That’s where he met Lola Last September<\/strong>.\u00a0 He was on his way home from a Psycho Beach Party <\/strong>when he saw this gorgeous blonde about to take the big plunge.<\/p>\n

“Don\u2019t do it,” he said.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s almost Autumn in New York<\/strong>, and you\u2019ll miss the foliage.”<\/p>\n

“I hate autumn,” said Lola.\u00a0 “It reminds me of Halloween, <\/strong>and Halloween reminds me of The Exorcist<\/strong>.\u00a0 That movie gave me nightmares for a year.\u201d<\/p>\n

“C\u2019mon,\u201d said Mickey.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ve seen Godzilla 2000<\/strong> times and I\u2019m not scared of lizards.\u00a0 Maybe you just need a little Sunshine <\/strong>in your life.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSunshine makes me puke.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHow about music?\u00a0 You ever hear the Wonder Boys<\/strong> sing \u2018Dancer in the Dark<\/strong>?\u2019\u00a0 It\u2019ll cheer you right up.\u00a0 You\u2019ll be top of the pops, Best in Show<\/strong>, babe!\u201d<\/p>\n

Mickey put his arm around Lola and walked her off the bridge.<\/p>\n

\u201cTell me why a beautiful kid like you wants to kill herself,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n

“It’s All About my Mother<\/strong>,” said Lola.\u00a0 “That and the crushing pressure of fame.”<\/p>\n

“Fame?”<\/p>\n

“Sure.\u00a0 I’m only the biggest burlesque dancer in Coney Island.\u00a0 I got a lot of psycho fans, you know.\u00a0 It’s like Being John Malkovich<\/strong> or something.”<\/p>\n

Mickey fell hard that day. If his heart was a gold mine, Lola had The Claim<\/strong>, but this could be The End of the Affair<\/strong>.\u00a0 The Kings of Comedy would probably call in The Talented Mr. Ripley <\/strong>to take care of Lola.\u00a0 Ripley\u2019s M.O. was to gut his victims and stuff them with Magnolia<\/strong> petals.\u00a0 Mickey didn’t want to play those kinds of Reindeer Games<\/strong>.\u00a0 He’d lived through some Dark Days<\/strong> and seen a lot of Lost Souls<\/strong>, but Ripley was the worst.<\/p>\n

Luckily, Mickey was Famous <\/strong>(Almost<\/strong>) for his rescue operations.\u00a0 One time, a bunch of Small Time Crooks<\/strong> who called themselves the Quills<\/strong> kidnapped his sister outside the Castaway<\/strong> Bar.\u00a0 Their leader, Cecil B. Demented<\/strong>, was In the Mood for Love <\/strong>and had a thing for Mickey\u2019s sister.\u00a0 He told Mickey he could have her back when he was done with her, if he was willing to pay ten grand with no Proof of Life<\/strong>.\u00a0 Mickey found out where the Quills were holed up (down at The Yards<\/strong>) and went in swinging like The Legend of Drunken Master<\/strong>.\u00a0 He gave those creeps a Requiem for a Dream.\u00a0\u00a0 <\/strong>Little sis got roughed up,<\/span> but not bad.\u00a0 After a quick visit to Nurse Betty<\/strong> she was good as new.<\/p>\n

Saving Silverman<\/strong> was another matter.\u00a0 Silverman is Mickey’s half-brother\u2014a Jewish kid from Brighton Beach.\u00a0 He lost a fortune at the track,<\/span> and wound up in the clutches of Fat Elvis, the portliest gangster in Memphis.\u00a0 For the first time in his life, Mickey didn\u2019t know what to do; he felt like The Shadow of the Vampire<\/strong> was on him.<\/p>\n

“O Brother Where Art Thou<\/strong>!” he wailed.\u00a0 “O Brother Where Art Thou!”<\/p>\n

He’d have to be a Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon<\/strong> to infiltrate Fat Elvis\u2019s stronghold and Snatch<\/strong> Silverman.\u00a0 Hell, Charlie’s Angels<\/strong> would\u2019ve had a hard time getting in there.<\/p>\n

It was 3000 Miles to Graceland<\/strong>, and Mickey didn\u2019t have a car, so he took the bus.\u00a0 He was so tired when he got to Memphis that he walked right into Traffic<\/strong> at the corner of State and Main.\u00a0 <\/strong>He would’ve ended up under a truck if his pal Eddie Pollock<\/strong> hadn’t grabbed him.\u00a0 Mickey told Eddie the situation, and Eddie got his crew together.\u00a0 A half hour later, they had Silverman, and Fat Elvis was on his way to see The Tailor of Panama<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

If Mickey could find some help, he\u2019d be able to save Lola, too.\u00a0 He called up his old girlfriend Josie, from Josie and the Pussycats<\/strong>. \u201cNo problem,\u201d said Josie.\u00a0 \u201cYou Can Count On Me.\u00a0 <\/strong>I\u2019d tear up Town and Country<\/strong> for you.\u201d<\/p>\n

Mickey and his boys joined forces with the Pussycats, liberated Lola, and ran the Kings of Comedy right out of Brooklyn.\u00a0 Lola gave Josie some attitude at first, but now they\u2019re best friends and go to the movies with Mickey every weekend.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A gangland adventure utilizing the title of every movie I went to between the years 1999 and 2001, in roughly the order that I saw them.<\/p>\n

Mickey Blue Eyes and his gang, the Cockney Crooners, had already eliminated the Fight Club, The Crew and the Wings of Desire, three of the biggest mobs in Brooklyn. If they won their rumble with the Kings of Comedy, they\u2019d rule the borough.<\/p>\n

As Mickey was leaving his apartment to stock up on bandanas and brass knuckles, his girlfriend Lola came around the corner. A Cadillac pulled up beside her, and Mickey shouted, \u201cRun Lola Run!”<\/p>\n

It was too late. A couple Kings in jester caps jumped out and threw Lola in the trunk.<\/p>\n

“Just some insurance to make sure you show tomorrow,\u201d said The Messenger.<\/p>\n

READ MORE.<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1001004,"featured_media":9374,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4,218,200,219],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/gadflyonline.com\/home\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9373"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/gadflyonline.com\/home\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/gadflyonline.com\/home\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/gadflyonline.com\/home\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1001004"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/gadflyonline.com\/home\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=9373"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"http:\/\/gadflyonline.com\/home\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9373\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":9378,"href":"http:\/\/gadflyonline.com\/home\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9373\/revisions\/9378"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/gadflyonline.com\/home\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/9374"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/gadflyonline.com\/home\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=9373"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/gadflyonline.com\/home\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=9373"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/gadflyonline.com\/home\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=9373"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}