Running from Myself and Other Poems

Running from Myself

Am I just this week’s kill?
Cause it seems like you’re leading me up a hill
Yeah, it’s an uphill struggle
But I feel like there’s a pit at the end
You know, I feel like you’re just waiting for me to get to the top
So you can push me in
And I’ll fall like I always do
Yeah, I always fall for you
Cause I can’t seem to get enough
But it always ends up being too much
Yeah, I always end up realizing too late
Too late… That’s when I realize I’m falling.
Falling, like a leaf from a tree
But they only fall when they’re dead
And I guess I am, nearly
But no, it’d be better if I were dead
Because dead people don’t have all these feelings
I lock them away
And I store in a safe deep in my heart
What was never meant to be safe at all
Hate isn’t safe, neither’s sorrow, nor scorn
But I laugh at it all, cause I’m torn
Between self pity and hatred
Between doubt and success
And lies and truths and I forget
That I’m just one person in crowd of the world
But they’re pushing in on me
And I’m claustrophobic at best
But I’m a nightmare to behold when I’m at my worst
And no one takes me then, so I lock that up too
Deep inside me, a monster brews
Where not even I know what to do
And not even I ever knew…
Thought it was you who was leading me to the top of that hill
It was you who I feared would push me in
But it was I who walked willingly higher and higher
And it was I who walked off the edge
It was I who turned my back, and locked me inside myself
Never to come back
Never were you my enemy
You were only trying to save me
From myself, I ran
And into myself, I ran
I couldn’t escape the hell inside of me
Nor could I beat it
So I joined it, I became it
Never to come back

Time

Time, oh time doesn’t fly
When you’re stuck inside
This dead heart of mine
It ticks, and it passes away
Slowly, like the love that we shared
But it goes on forever,
Like the love we wish we had

But it grows, then it dies
Like a newly born fly
It’s there for a day
But is gone by tomorrow
This love has passed me by
Like a bird for the winter
And you left my heart all the colder

As a bell tower looms under dark city skies
So my soul lies dead inside
The minute hand points to a future alone
The seconds pass, searching for a home
As the bell tolls, I long for a saviour
Seems time’s just a measure of failure

Like a dream turned a nightmare
But I can’t run away
From the cold sweat that envelops
It haunts me asleep
But I lie wide awake
It goes on without end
Like the love we wish we never had

You push me, timelessly
Higher and higher again
Only to let me fall
Without wings to catch my descent
But I’ll find a way
To rise above the clouds
Without you weighing me down
I’ll mend these broken wings