Everyone laughed at me for becoming debilatingly obsessed with organizing my chocolate recipes. Until they saw the beauty that I created with it.
The mass of lard that I am legally obliged to call my wife was bullying me as usual, trying to manipulate me into giving the thing she birthed some attention again. I did not have time for this. I had more important things on my mind. I had chocolate recipes to organize.
Some people in the chocolate recipe world organize their recipes in alphabetical order, yet I prefer the more traditional manner. What I’m speaking of, of course, is organizing from the recipe I am most obsessed with to the one of which I am the least. I excel at the process. Some say that I am the king of this process and for that I am proud. At my weekly chocolate recipe meeting, I try desperately not to boast about my skills but I cannot resist. When I see Samuel trying to spit his weak words out of his obese mouth, my superior lip quivers with disgust. He is inferior and that is funny to me. He is inferior because his chocolate recipe organizing skills are inferior and God knows that that is the most important in life. Some argue that managing a good home life and marriage is important, but take a look at how scattered them folks’ recipe drawers are.
The wee hours of the morning came as fast as I can read my most favorite chocolate recipe and my final recipe installation was disturbed by the squawking that is the voicebox within my wife. That thing never fails to place burdens upon thine king of organization when he is at his best. I knew what must be done. I knew that the only way to keep my sanity was to replace my wife with some sort of chocolate equivalent.
I spent the rest of the evening covering her corpse in a thick layer of chocolate while my disgusting son looked on in horror. Now he fears me and I no longer feel any guilt about ignoring his existence. And best of all, I no longer have a nagging wife. I have a chocolate wife and she supports my work. Dreams really can come true.
The End.
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Since she was first programmed, Gina Tron has been actively churning out creepy cartoons and dark humored fiction. Reading, socializing, fashion and exploring are a few of the other skills that have been uploaded into her database. She is an editor for LADYGUNN and a staff writer for music & art magazine, Pork & Mead. She also contributes freelance to a few other publications like Woman Around Town and BULLETT. She has had numerous works of fiction published, and is currently working on her first novel. Find more of her work here: www.ginatronic.com
